Nadia

My name is Nadia.

I am 21... born here and raised here... a hardcore Karachite, heh.. like that matters anyway.
My family moved to the United States while I stayed here with my elder sister, but that was four years back ..
she is studying some doctor mumbo jumbo, and dad got us an apartment here ... of course
they didn't agree with my decision, of course they had issues with me staying here with my sister.
Why? i guess every Pakistani parent has issues... the fuck i care...
I am a vocalist in an underground band called 'Nightwatch' .. I guess the name itself shows the
genre of the music we play..

I ... am... I smoke.. I dope.. I drink .. I cut myself.... I guess I am a bitch to put it simply..
once again... "the fuck i care"...

.. Music ... it's my passion... i guess thats obvious heh... People enjoy it... they like my voice... they like my lyrics.. they enjoy Saad's solos... we're a perfect hit... but there's something else about it, for me...
.. the songs I sing... I write... the lyrics ... they're written and sung in a way.. that they seem like a
message... I call it my style ... a style that changed everything ... and now I dont know who I am ..
it all started with that night... our gig at The Basement ...14th November.. the gig included three more bands, as well... ours was the last turn... we were going to play our newest single ...'Amen'...

The first band to go was 'Satan's Call'.. these dudes know exactly how to control the crowd... the drummer is a
major fuckup... but the bassist and the lead are the best in the underground scene...
after 'Pentagram' ... we took the stage ... we started off with 'Legion of heroes' and 'Anomaly' ...
these two were already underground hits... so people enjoyed the scene... then I made an anouncement
"A'ite people.. we're gonna play our newest single next... " People applaused..

"Forgive me father
Forgive me God
I know I've sinned
With no remorse
Apocalyptic visions
Went through my head
Here today

Gone tomorrow
It's all insane
I'm feeling sick
I'm feeling numb
The storm will come
In the name of God I'm the chosen one

Terror raids the land
To ashes we'll be sent
In the name of God
Lives cast away

Martyrdom of myself
Armageddon comes
In the name of God
Not one more dead

Fire blasting, cutting edge
Children burn in flames
In the name of God
We're going insane

Let us die
You don't realize
This is the time
God's sacrifice

Leaving behind
Lesson in hate
In the name of God
We're all dead
Burn!"


It wasnt the best song we performed... we had had better songs before... but people enjoyed it..
but all that while in the basement.. I had this uneasy feeling.. like I was being watched .. being...
.. I don't know... it felt like I was naked on the road...
We were packing up.. outside.. our van was there.. we were leaving... Saad asked me for coffee
so everybody left and we stayed...we walked to the coffee place..
...I hate coffee..

We were walking on the road.. 2.00 am ... the people of this city decide when is it night and morning...
they make their own...

A regular blend at Dunkin donuts... even more fucked up..
... I started the conversation...
"chip... today was... wierd."
Saad: Oh? I think it went pretty good... your vocals sounded different.. but you were good.
Me: I knew I had stalkers... But today was uneasy...
Saad: Whadya mean? *sips coffee*
Me: Felt like I was being watched...
Saad: *smirks* You are a star... you were at a gig... of course you were being watched.
Me: ... It's not funny... it was different... ..*sigh* it was fucking different..
Saad : ... You should control your dopes and drinks... even Danny dosnt do as much as you do.. and you know what Danny does..
Me: .... Fuck it... not that again... anyway.. let's move... I kinda need my rest... my head feels like someone is drilling into my skull...
Saad: Or to put it simply... a skull fuck.. Hahaha ahem sorry.. yeah lets move.

He dropped me home... 3.00 am ... my sister was sleeping.. she doesn't realy care what I do ... I took a shower... changed... felt like smoking.. so I went outside again... I started to walk... rolled some stuff at my place.. I was smoking that... the allies near my place are usually silent... dirty, but peaceful... I find it calm here... I totally fit the term "charsi" heh.. but like I always say .. "The fuck I care."

"Soothing voice you have."
..... A chill in my spine... a fear .. I have never felt.. I stood motionless .. scared to look back to see who said that... I see a shadow next to me.. it's behind me... but not moving... hands in pockets... dressed properly...

"I scared you?.. It is understandable.. my apologies."

.... I looked back.. and I found a man ... he is... not from around... his accent... his clothing.. and that expression... "What do you want?"

I started to walk .. trying to ignore him...

"Your songs... suck."

I stopped ... "You been following me to tell me that?"

"Your voice... we feed on it ..."

"We? ... dude.. I guess you're high... what kinda sick fuck are you any way?"

Man: "Haha ... we've been always listening... you've felt that haven't you? .. felt like you are not alone... even when you are."

.. I was speechless... nothing to say... "Wat do you want?"

"Nothing... I just wanted to meet you in person... I just wanted to tell you to keep singing.."

I thought I was high... "Who.. who is this we.. who the fuck are you?"

I dont know why I didn't just ignore him.. and I don't know why the hell I was asking questions .. they didn't make much sense. Everything was going on its own....

"Ever heard of the phrase 'mauseequi ruh ke ghizzaa hai'?"

That hit me in the head... I was about to say something..

"You dont need to say anything ... your mind will not accept my answers ..."

With that he turned back ... and walked away, into the dark.. I stood there even after he was gone... thinking what the fuck had just happened? ...

No jam sessions.. no gigs.... just me.. my smokes.. and my room... it has been like that for three days now.... I have been thinking and thinking only... heck even my sister got worried... got a call from my parents... they wanted me there... lectured me... to put it simply i told them to stuff it... that call made me pissed... shook me off... the thought phase I was in... had a headache now... I had been stoned for three days.. I decided to socialise finally...

My sister started screaming as soon as I moved out of my room... as usual I ignored her and got out ... met up with the band... had a jam session... I realised that singing is more than my passion.. as I started to sing.. I became lost.. relax... the growls relaxed me... Saad's solo made me sane again... they thought I had finaly lost it... asked me what happened... I told them I was sick... told them I had changed my dope supplier and a new drug had raped me ... they shouted at me.. pissed.. told me i needed to change ... take control and what the fuck not ... and like always, "The fuck I care"... I told them to stuff it and returned home... that jam session had wasted five hours.. time flies... heh... got back home ... got into the bathroom.. peed ... came out.. and I saw that same guy sitting in front of me.. on my chair...I started to shake... my words..

"Afraid? ... even after we've met before? ... even after knowing that the OTHERS wont hurt you...?"

Fuck... fuck... stop it... why me...

"Okay.. today I am not here to tell you about your divine voice ... today .. your real audiance awaits you ... I am here to take you somewhere ... an invitation.."

Speecheless ... fucking speecheless.

"There is nothing to fear ... you should realise that by now ... who do you think I am?"

I still couldn't move ... but the fear was going away as he continued talking in his cryptic manner.. it can't be what I think it is...

"Come sit..."

My body moved on its own.. I sat .. he made me close my eyes.. and when I opened my eyes....

I was... somewhere else... a volumetric light... a spot... I am sitting... but I feel there are people around me .. as my vision slightly restored... I noticed hooded figures in the dark.. I could hardly point out two but there were many... their heads ... it was as if they were bowing before me... and I wasn't afraid.. that place had a kind of relaxing aura ... warmth ... I am not afraid, yes ... I now get that feeling.. and finally understand what that man meant... by all his bull crap... it wasnt all bull crap...

Suddenly from the dark he came out forward, and kneeled ... he was wearing the same robe as the others...
he smirked and said "Your fans await you ... the stage is set.. shall we?"

With that.. I was escorted to the stage.. as I walked down the corridor that was supposedly leading to it, I heard voices... like... people were cheering... as I moved closer the voices became clearer.. and they were singing the last composition I had written...
Amen ...

I am now on the stage... I am now about to sing... somehow I feel like ... this is it... the end... eternity...
There is darkness on the crowd.. but I can tell there are millions here... the orchestra that will play the music.. they are all masked... or are these their real faces?.... heh...

"Amen.."

And with that word said... they aplaused... screaming... the orchestra started the music... it was something that was originally in my head ... when I wrote it... and now I am going to start singing...

...
.........
.....
.
As I sing... I am calmed... I feel like I am in the air... my voice is different... I dont need to breathe and I can stretch the growls and the vocals... my eyes are closed.... I am calmed.... I want to be here ... I want this to never end... I am lost in it.....

... I am here in a room ... I can't see anything but the bed I am on... under a light... but this is where I want to be ... I have been given a choice... and I chose this... and so ... I have been given a last chance.. to say...good bye sister... mom... dad....


.... good bye world..


**********

note: song amen is by sepultura


This is a very old script i wrote for a short film.